That's my open confession. I'm a terrible, god-awful Wednesday night teacher.
I teach 3, 4, and 5 year olds on Wednesday nights at church. And I'm pretty sure I'm terrible at it. I took over for a lady who was deathly ill for many months. Now...I feel that this is vital to mention: I'm not called to 3, 4, and 5 year olds. You know what kinds of kids I like? I like youth kids. We can have conversations about the tough stuff, like dealing with parents who aren't believers, or how to stay pure in a dating relationship...wanna know what I talk about with 3, 4, and 5 year olds? It ranges, friends. "My doggie threw up and it was pink and smelled like popcorn." "My mama made some stuff and it was nasty but daddy said we still had to eat it." "my poop smelled funny today."
I sometimes think I just don't have it together when I'm in there.
Maybe it's the screaming that they're doing when I've said "Okay, let's quiet down."
Or the fact that they won't stay in their seats.
Or that I have to regularly take one to his mother.
Or that i have a couple who cry every week.
Or that I can't get through a lesson or an example without 5-10 side stories and questions.
Or that occasionally I just say "Let's watch a movie" because I don't know if my nerves can take doing a full lesson and craft.
Or that I've been known to tell my helpers "I need a minute" and I go pray/cry/spin in circles/combination of all three until i have myself together.
Or that when our deacon that counts our attendance walks by, he's heard me say loudly "PULL UP YOUR PANTS JESUS DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN WE SHOW OFF OUR BOOTIES IN PUBLIC"
Or that I have one kid who I have to constantly ask to repeat what he's said because I can't understand him.
Nope. I don't have it together. And I've been praying for a REALLY long time that God would completely heal the original teacher of that class so she could take back over. Selfish, right? And recently, my loving Father showed His ever-so-stubborn child how selfish it really is. He reminded me that it doesn't matter what i think...but what He thinks. I was reading through 2 Corinthians again, and got hit in the face with 9:7... Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. I wasn't being very cheerful. I was giving my time reluctantly. Ouch. That's not the commitment God asked for me to have.
I have to think of the blessings.
The one who I have to walk to his mom gets it...he knows he's important to God, that God has a plan for his life, and that we have a big God who can take care of our big problems.
One of my 'criers' came right to me and sat in my lap as if that's what she did every day.
Two that I struggled to connect with initially run through the door to hug me.
One that I struggle to understand likes to hug me at the most random times.
Another of mine that I struggled to connect with likes to sit in my lap and kiss my cheek at the most random, yet needed times.
I get blessed when they sing the Fruits of the Spirit song to me and tell me that they have the apple (love) in their hearts or that their friends need peaches (kindness is a peach).
I get blessed when they say 'I'm taking my picture to daddy', because several of them have dads who aren't active in church.
So, maybe I don't have it together. Maybe counter deacon is still going to walk by me while i'm reminding someone that Jesus doesn't like it when they show their booties off in public. Maybe I'll still hear about their poop. But they're getting it. And I might be a crappy teacher. But I have a big God, and as long as I'm doing what He's asked me to do and doing it selflessly, he'll be there to guide and help me.
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