When it's hard.

Most of the time, I'm okay.

I've battled with severe anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, etc, for a good portion of my life.

And since I gave it up to God, most of the time, I'm okay.

But then, something happens.

I fail at something.

Or someone doesn't think before they open their mouths and says something cutting.

Or if (gasp) I have to ask for help.

That's when Satan sneaks in.

Sneaky, sneaky Satan.

With the lies.

Lies telling me that I'm not good enough.

Lies telling me I'm worth nothing.

Lies telling me that God is holding everything over my head.

According to him, God doesn't even care about me. 

I'm a pawn in a game.

And sometimes, I can put it out of my head immediately. 

Other times...I'm not so strong.

And I'll listen to the lies.

And believe them.

I'm thankful for the people in my life. I confessed how I was feeling to one friend, and they simply texted me 'Just stay strong.' (considering tattooing that on my wrist, so I can see it when I need it),

Another friend gave me an 'apple of gold.'

What is boils down to is that Satan tries to feed us his fruit.

Lies, deceit, worthlessness, self-pity.

The list goes on.

And sometimes we take it.

It looks so...normal...

It must be true. 

I mean, honestly? He makes a few very valid points.

But the thing is,

when we take that fruit,

we get sick.

Sick with depression.

Anxiety.

Self-pity.

Feelings of hopelessness.

Feelings of guilt.

Shame.

Worthlessness.

We keep eating that fruit, until we're sick.

Shadows of the people Christ has called us to be.

Oh sure, we know the scripture.

We know God is always with us, He'll never leave us, etc.

Chances are, we can quote it verbatim.

Some of us from 4 different versions of the bible.

But, because we've eaten the fruit of lies for so long, 

we don't believe it in our hearts.

I suppose the answer for that is simple.

We put down the fruit. 

We stop eating the fruit of Satan, 

the lies, the deceit.

We take up the armor of God (Ephesians 6),

and we start eating of the fruits of the spirit.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

And we have to be sure to fill our minds with scripture about who we are in Christ.

And purpose ourselves that, the next time we're attacked like that, we know how to stage the counter.

Isn't that half of all battles?

Knowing how to stage the counter attack?

See, I serve a big God.

I serve a God who tells me I am treasured by Him.

I am His child.

I am not an orphan.

I have been given a spirit of adoption, by which I can scream for my Abba when I need Him (Romans 8:15)

I am more than a conqueror through him (Romans 8:37).

His promises are good.

His mercy is faithful.

Thank you Jesus.

This is the passage I read the day after my rotten one. God knew what I needed.

Psalm 16:
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
² I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
     I have no good apart from you.”

³ As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
    in whom is all my delight.

⁴ The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
    their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
    or take their names on my lips.

⁵ The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
    you hold my lot.
⁶ The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

⁷ I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
    in the night also my heart instructs me.
⁸ I have set the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
    my flesh also dwells secure.
¹⁰ For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
     or let your holy one see corruption.

¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.